Deep Desire

Lujing Shen slept unusually well and woke up the next morning with the fever completely gone.

Feng Si checked his temperature one last time and put his mind at ease. “36.5 degrees, it seems my method worked.”

Lujing Shen didn’t want to talk to him. In any case, their vacation plan hadn’t been ruined because of that small incident, and the next day, they flew to France.

On the plane, Lin Ling brought the meals to the cockpit, and the senior pilot asked Feng Si about his plans after arriving there, whether he was interested in renting a car and going on a road trip.

Feng Si took off his earphones and said casually, “I am interested, but I already have plans.”

When Lin Ling left after delivering the coffee, she also asked him, “Captain Feng, do you have friends over in France?”

Feng Si smiled and blinked, “Yes.”

Lin Ling lightly bit her lip and wished him a pleasant meal before leaving the cockpit.

The senior pilot was curious and asked, “Do you have a girlfriend you made plans with?”

Feng Si replied, “Boyfriend.”

Seeing the senior pilot’s surprise, Feng Si added, “Next time I have a chance, I’ll introduce him to you, Captain Chen.”

The plane landed in Paris at noon. On the way to the hotel, Feng Si asked Lujing Shen about the reason for coming to Paris: “I thought you would fly directly to the south of France.”

Lujing Shen replied calmly, “There’s an elder from my family settled here, and before coming, my mom asked me to bring some gifts.”

Feng Si asked, “Can I accompany you?”

Lujing Shen replied, “No need.”

Feng Si was not surprised by that response. Lujing Shen always kept him away from his private matters. Even though he was now openly living in Lujing Shen’s place, Lujing Shen never allowed him to get involved in his personal affairs.

If he insisted on going along, Lujing Shen might get angry.

“Well, take care and come back soon,” Feng Si said.

After reaching the hotel, Lujing Shen called a car and left alone, only returning in the evening.

As he walked upstairs to his room, passing Feng Si’s room on the same floor, he stopped.

The door of the room was not closed, and the female flight attendant, Lin Ling, sat on the sofa facing the door, seemingly crying. Feng Si was standing by the wall, occasionally passing her tissues.

Sensing Lujing Shen’s gaze, Feng Si looked over, but Lujing Shen averted his eyes and walked away.

A while later, Feng Si knocked on Lujing Shen’s door. Lujing Shen was preparing to go out for dinner.

Lujing Shen didn’t respond and went back inside to change his clothes.

Feng Si followed, asking, “You went to visit your elder, and they didn’t invite you for dinner?”

Lujing Shen still ignored him.

Feng Si squinted, as if he thought of something, and smiled gently, “Lujing, don’t get me wrong. Lin Ling just invited me again. After you advised me last time not to lead her on if I’m not interested, I learned my lesson. I explained to her that I like men, and she was probably a bit hurt, which led to her crying. Well, it’s my fault for making a girl cry.”

Finally, Lujing Shen’s gaze shifted toward him. “Are you pleased with yourself?”

“No, not at all,” Feng Si replied, dropping the joking tone and explaining seriously, “After all, we are colleagues, and complicating the relationship isn’t good.”

Lujing Shen finished changing his clothes, walked past him, and said, “Be more careful next time,” before leaving the room. Feng Si sighed and followed him.

After dinner, as the sky darkened, the nightlife of the city was just beginning. Feng Si took Lujing Shen to a bar, though Lujing Shen didn’t want to go. But at that hour, going back to the hotel would be dull and boring, so he found himself following Feng Si to the bar’s entrance.

Feng Si held his wrist and led him inside.

Soon, Lujing Shen regretted it.

The music was loud, the lights dim, and the air filled with the smell of smoke and alcohol. The crowd was raucous, and the atmosphere made him uncomfortable.

On the center stage, a man wearing only tight briefs was performing pole dancing, surrounded by excited male spectators.

The nature of that bar was evident.

As Lujing Shen realized this, his expression turned unpleasant, and he turned to leave, but Feng Si held his arm and pulled him back.

“Want to have a drink?” Feng Si asked.

Lujing Shen frowned, and Feng Si led him to the bar counter.

Feng Si sat on a high stool, and when the bartender turned to him, he first looked stunned, then delighted and greeted him warmly.

They spoke in French, which Lujing Shen could understand, but he wasn’t in the mood to listen.

“Feng, long time no see. Are you working in Paris again?”

“Just here on vacation, leaving tomorrow.”

“That’s a shame. Without you, the business here is not as good as before.”

“I don’t see it. We were almost squeezed out just now.”

“How could that be? After all, we started a bet on who could win you first, but unfortunately, before we succeeded, you left. It’s really sad.”

“I can see that you enjoyed the gambling winnings.”

“So, is this person next to you the little sweetheart you’ve been looking for?”

“Does he look like my little sweetheart?”

Feng Si bantered casually, received a cocktail from the bartender, and handed one to Lujing Shen.

Lujing Shen didn’t take it and looked around coldly. All he saw was chaos, filth, and a bizarre scene. Everyone was indulging in a wild party, kissing one person and then flirting with another without any restraint.

Perhaps Feng Si had been part of that before, embracing one blurred face after another in this place.

It made Lujing Shen nauseous.

Feng Si tilted his head, the wine glass now in front of him. “Care for a drink?”

Lujing Shen turned to look at him, his eyes filled with coldness. Feng Si seemed to hesitate, but before he could say anything, Lujing Shen turned and walked away quickly.

Feng Si put down the wine glass, ignoring the bartender’s calls behind him, and caught up with him.

The bar was too crowded, and it was hard to move. Lujing Shen pushed through the crowd, brushing against people as he walked. Some even pinched him.

The nauseating smell of alcohol, smoke, and perfume invaded his senses, making him more uncomfortable.

Finally, when they left the bar and he could breathe fresh air, acid surged in his stomach, and he leaned against the railing on the side of the road, retching.

Feng Si came forward, pulling him up forcefully. “Alex!”

Lujing Shen looked up, the redness in his eyes blending with the thick darkness of the night, showing a touch of pity.

Feng Si stared at him with a complex expression. “Is it really that hard to accept?”

“Let go of me,” Lujing Shen said.

Feng Si’s gaze darkened, and he raised his hand, pressing gently at the corner of his eye.

Lowering his head, he captured his lips.

Lujing Shen reacted with a delay of two seconds, trying to push him away desperately, but Feng Si didn’t give him a chance.

He embraced Lujing Shen and fiercely bit his lips, pushing his tongue into his mouth, ravaging it.

The overwhelming scent of Feng Si almost drove Lujing Shen to the brink of collapse. The more he resisted, the more fiercely Feng Si kissed him, leaving him with no chance to escape.

As a bus slowly passed behind them, its headlights sweeping over them, Lujing Shen opened his eyes, and in that moment of light, he saw Feng Si staring at him with a calm yet crazy look.

The kiss turned into a tug of war, one refusing to let go, the other unwilling to release.

The long kiss continued until the group of people joking outside the bar changed. Finally, Feng Si let go of Lujing Shen’s lips, his breath also unsteady. “Do you find this disgusting?” he asked.

Lujing Shen’s voice trembled. “yes.”

“Why?” Feng Si inquired.

“I just do,” Lujing Shen emphasized, gritting his teeth, “I’m not like you people.”

Feng Si responded, “If you’re referring to sexual orientation, you willingly kissed and slept with me back then. It wasn’t me forcing you; you volunteered. So you and I are the same. And if you’re talking about their lifestyle, I’m not the same as those people either.”

“Alex, I’m quite selective. I don’t just take anyone.”

Lujing Shen’s mind was a mess, and he couldn’t fully grasp what Feng Si was saying, or perhaps he didn’t believe it at all.

Seeing that he couldn’t force Lujing Shen any further, Feng Si placed a hand on his shoulder, attempting to calm him down. “Look at me.”

Lujing Shen’s eyes were even redder now, and Feng Si sighed.

“Let’s go, you don’t like it here. Let’s find another place to drink.”

Twenty minutes later, Feng Si bought a dozen beers and sat with Lujing Shen on the steps outside a nearby church.

Opening a can, foam splashed all over his hand, but he didn’t mind and handed it to Lujing Shen. “Can you drink this?”

Lujing Shen’s mood had settled a bit, replaced by an inexplicable mix of emotions. He looked at the beer offered to him for a moment before reaching out to take it.

He held the beer can in his hand but didn’t drink. He watched as Feng Si opened another can and brought it to his lips. The liquid slid down his throat as he drank, and he casually licked the foam from his lips.

Lujing Shen’s gaze flickered, and his mind drifted back to the previous kiss.

The feeling of their lips still lingered, and Lujing Shen couldn’t describe how he felt. The scenes from the bar still made him uncomfortable, but he couldn’t deny that he didn’t feel repulsed by Feng Si’s kiss and touch.

After seven years, one kiss, and he was completely affected.

Seeing Lujing Shen lost in thought, Feng Si’s hand moved, and the icy beer can touched his face. Lujing Shen instinctively turned his head away, his brows slightly furrowed.

“Don’t always look so bitter,” Feng Si said, drinking his beer and nonchalantly reminding him, “You’re always so rigid, and that’s why you can never have fun.”

Lujing Shen’s tone was cold. “I don’t need your advice.”

 Feng Si looked at him and asked, “Are you so afraid of people knowing that you’re gay? Is being gay something to be ashamed of?”

After a moment of silence, Lujing Shen stood up. Feng Si reached out to pull him back down. “Don’t leave. If you don’t want to listen to me, fine. Let’s just drink.”

Lujing Shen asked, “Do we have to drink here?”

“Then where should we drink?” Feng Si moved closer and smiled at him, returning to his unserious self. “Should we go back to your hotel room, Lujing? Drink there?”

His gaze fell to Lujing Shen’s lips, and he couldn’t help but recall the previous kiss, feeling a bit regretful that he let him go so easily.

With their faces so close, Lujing Shen could almost feel Feng Si’s breath. Even his unfiltered thoughts were clear.

Turning his head, Feng Si’s lips brushed against his ear. “What were you thinking when you were staring at me just now?”