Deep Desire

 

When the sunlight shone on his bare back, Lu Jing Shen gradually woke up.

Feng Si was sitting by the bed, looking down at him, his fingers gently stroking and teasing his back as if brushing it with a feather. Lu Jing Shen felt a slight itch and furrowed his brows. “What are you doing?”

“Get up now that you’re awake. We’re going out,” Feng Si reminded him.

Lu Jing Shen went into the bathroom to freshen up, and Feng Si followed him, leaning against the door while waiting for him. Lu Jing Shen saw his slightly tired face in the mirror and closed his eyes for a moment to fully wake up.

“It’s almost ten o’clock, and you’re getting up later and later. Will you be able to adapt to the high-intensity work every day when we go back?” Feng Si teased casually. Lu Jing Shen didn’t want to respond to him, so he turned around after finishing his morning routine and was grabbed by Feng Si’s arm.

Feng Si’s figure loomed over him, casting a shadow before him. He sealed Lu Jing Shen’s lips with his own.

The teasing kiss was slow and gentle, with his tongue lightly exploring the gaps between Lu Jing Shen’s lips and teeth without diving deeper.

After a while, Lu Jing Shen couldn’t stand the slow pace of the kiss and pulled Feng Si’s collar towards him, deepening the kiss actively.

Their lips pressed together, and Feng Si chuckled softly. Just as Lu Jing Shen was about to frown, a sudden noise came from outside the window. The sound of cheers and laughter from the crowd, along with the thunderous roar of fireworks, echoed continuously.

Lu Jing Shen was somewhat puzzled, and Feng Si urged him, “Go change clothes, and let’s go down.”

A quarter of an hour later, they left the hotel and the parade had already passed, leaving behind a vibrant atmosphere.

“They’re heading to the central square; let’s go there too,” Feng Si suggested.

He led Lu Jing Shen on a shortcut and arrived at the city’s largest central square after about fifteen minutes. There were tens of thousands of people gathered there.

Rainbow flags fluttered in the wind, and men and women dressed in bright and fancy costumes were joyfully singing and dancing, immersed in the moment of celebration.

All the couples were of the same gender, men with men and women with women, freely exchanging affectionate kisses without any reservation, releasing the overflowing passion in their bodies.

When Lu Jing Shen finally reacted, he found himself amidst them, with Feng Si leading him into the crowd.

His nerves tensed up reflexively, his breathing became unsmooth, and he wanted to leave.

Feng Si held him back and softly whispered in his ear, “Don’t think too much. It’s daytime, just treat it as watching a spectacle.”

Lu Jing Shen’s face turned ugly, and he could barely speak from between his teeth, “Why did you bring me here?”

Feng Si’s gaze slowly swept over his face, and Lu Jing Shen’s reaction was as he expected. He lifted his hand, placing his palm on Lu Jing Shen’s back, offering a soothing warmth, “Relax.”

The harsh sunlight shone down on them, and the man’s eyes were calm and deep. In the midst of his daze, Lu Jing Shen gradually regained his composure, taking a deep breath, and heard his voice ask again, “Why did you bring me here?”

“Alex, avoiding it is not a solution,” Feng Si reminded him. “No matter how much you dislike these people here, you can’t deny that you, I, and all of us are the same. We all love the same gender.”

No, no, that’s not true!

Lu Jing Shen wanted to retort, but it felt like someone was choking his throat, and he couldn’t produce any sound.

He didn’t like the same gender, and he loathed forming intimate connections and contacts with others. Only Feng Si, only him…

“Today is the LGBTQ+ carnival gathering. I brought you here specifically to see it.

Feng Si explained, “Don’t think too much. Nobody here knows you, and they won’t notice you. Let’s watch for a while and then leave.”

His tone was unusually gentle, something rare. Lu Jing Shen couldn’t say anything harsh, even if he felt uncomfortable.

Feng Si held his shoulders and made him turn around to look around. Lu Jing Shen’s breathing intensified as he forced himself to open his eyes.

Everyone was smiling, enjoying themselves without reserve. They were sincerely happy, not embarrassed by being different in their sexual orientation. They dared to stand in broad daylight, disregarding the judgment of the world.

Lu Jing Shen simply didn’t want to admit it, but Feng Si kept forcing him to face reality. They hugged, kissed, and got in bed together, and because Feng Si was a man, that made Lu Jing Shen also gay.

There was no difference between them and the people there.

Lu Jing Shen’s fingers trembled slightly, unconsciously clenching and struggling to resist.

The bell rang in the square, and the revelers stopped and embraced each other, indulging in passionate kisses amidst the continuous chime.

When Feng Si leaned over, Lu Jing Shen couldn’t bring himself to refuse.

Just like everyone else around them, under the fluttering rainbow flags, they shared a quiet and prolonged kiss.

The surrounding noise gradually faded away, and the moving crowd became blurry shadows. In front of Lu Jing Shen, there was only Feng Si, with a devoted and serious look as he kissed him.

His eyelashes trembled, and he slowly closed his eyes.

As the noise grew louder, Lu Jing Shen vaguely sensed someone staring at them. He pushed Feng Si slightly and turned to look.

As his gaze swept over, all he saw were couples hugging each other. The odd feeling from just a moment ago seemed like his imagination.

“What’s wrong?” Feng Si asked him.

Lu Jing Shen came back to his senses and shook his head slightly. “Nothing, I must have seen it wrong.”

Feng Si stared at him firmly, and Lu Jing Shen licked his lips that were slightly numb from the kiss. “Let’s go now.”

Feng Si smiled and took his hand. “Let’s go, then.”

Later, they went to Feng Ting’s place, returned the wallet, and took her out for lunch. Since it was still early, Feng Si drove to the mall first and bought a bunch of cosmetics and perfumes, handing them to Feng Ting. “Christmas is in two months. When the time comes, you can go home and give these gifts to everyone.”

Feng Ting complained unhappily, “Can’t you do it yourself? Why do I have to do it for you?”

Although she said that, she quickly accepted the items. Lu Jing Shen glanced at her from the passenger seat, and Feng Ting noticed his gaze, smiling and explaining to him, “These are all gifts my brother wants me to bring back. They’re for my mother, my mom’s sisters, and my godmothers and god-sisters.”

Lu Jing Shen: “…”

He didn’t know what to say.

Feng Si scolded his sister with a laugh, “Shut up, you talk too much.”

Feng Ting then asked him, “Brother, what about that pen? Did you give it back to Lu Jing Shen?”

Lu Jing Shen nodded and hesitated, thinking of a reason to refuse if she asked for it again.

Feng Ting said, “Just keep it then. Don’t give it to anyone casually. Although my brother looks carefree, he’s actually quite possessive. Don’t make him unhappy just because of me.”

Lu Jing Shen: “No, it’s fine.”

Feng Ting eased her mind. “That’s good.”

Lu Jing Shen hesitated and asked her, “Is that pen special to him?”

“I don’t know,” Feng Ting shook her head. “You’ll have to ask my brother about that.”

Her gaze swept over Lu Jing Shen’s neck, paused, and a blush appeared on her face as she seemed to understand something.

During the meal, Lu Jing Shen went to the restroom, and Feng Si followed him. He had just finished washing his hands when Feng Si grabbed him.

Lu Jing Shen couldn’t help but say, “Why is your smoking habit so strong?”

Feng Si smoked slowly and asked, “Why were you standing there in a daze when I came in? What were you thinking about?”

Under his gaze, Lu Jing Shen finally asked the question that had been on his mind since yesterday, “Is that pen special to you?”

Feng Si put out the cigarette butt on the ashtray, not minding as he said, “Curious?”

Lu Jing Shen rarely nodded honestly.

“Not really,” Feng Si said nonchalantly, “I’m just not used to using other people’s things. I didn’t want to use the pens provided by the hotel when signing, so I bought my own.”

Lu Jing Shen looked into his eyes, and they clearly wrote that he didn’t believe it.

Feng Si continued, “Really, it’s just a pen. There’s no special meaning to it. I didn’t give it to Tingting because whenever she sees something nice, she wants it. I need to cure her of this habit. And, although I don’t mind giving it to you, it’s still a gift. You didn’t even let me know when you gave it away to someone else. Can’t I feel hurt? Alex, you really hurt my feelings like this.”

Lu Jing Shen suddenly had nothing to say. After all, he was the one in the wrong.

“You don’t need to think too much about it,” Feng Si reached over and patted his ass, continuing before Lu Jing Shen frowned, “But if you want to give that pen some special meaning, then that’s okay too.”

Lu Jingshen didn’t quite understand: “What?”

Feng Si’s hand paused and he gave Lu Jingshen’s ass another pat, saying in a crude manner, “No more teasing and the same old naughty play, Want to try something else? I noticed you keep playing with the cap of that pen, how about we try something fresh?”

Lu Jingshen couldn’t keep up with his erratic thoughts. He didn’t expect Feng Si to suddenly act so shamelessly.

“Too much detail.”

After a few seconds of stiffness, Lu Jingshen said expressionlessly and turned to leave.

Feng Si laughed and threw his cigarette, catching up with him.