Deep Desire

It was just past noon when Lu Jing Shen entered the university through a side gate.

He slowed down the car, observing his surroundings. The tree-lined path on both sides was filled with energetic college students. He imagined that Feng Si might feel somewhat out of place in that environment.

He parked the car by the roadside, got out, and sent Feng Si a message on WeChat. There was no immediate reply. After waiting for a while, he looked ahead and noticed a crowd gathered on the sports field. His gaze paused for a moment, and he walked towards the gathering.

It was a group of boys playing basketball there, and there were quite a few onlookers. On the court, Lu Jing Shen saw a familiar figure—Feng Si.

He was wearing a V-neck sweater and casual pants, confidently dribbling the ball. With each bounce, it hit the ground, and when the opponent was off guard, he made a swift move to get past them and swiftly scored.

The ball accurately went through the hoop, followed by cheers from the surrounding crowd.

A few girls in front were holding their phones, following Feng Si and filming him. They were excited, their faces flushed, and occasionally, they let out squeals.

Lu Jing Shen stood outside the crowd, feeling somewhat speechless. Feng Si blended in with that group of students, and surprisingly, he didn’t appear out of place at all. He stood out, looking charismatic and attracting attention with his mature charm, tall stature, and handsome appearance.

After a while, Lu Jing Shen approached the basketball court. Feng Si noticed him, raised an eyebrow, and said something to the students before tossing the ball away and walking over to him.

“Why are you here? Didn’t we agree to meet at the hospital entrance?” Lu Jing Shen was scheduled for his second session of psychological treatment that afternoon, and he had made plans with the doctor at four o’clock. Feng Si said he’d accompany him, but he didn’t expect him to come to the university.

Lu Jing Shen replied, “I just happened to be passing by.”

With Feng Si’s smiling gaze on him, his eyes drifted away for a moment, and he spoke the truth, “I left the company at noon and had nothing to do, so I just came here.”

Feng Si’s smile deepened. “Let’s go. It’s still early. Let’s go to my dorm first.”

“You’ve settled quite well. How does it feel to be a teacher?” Lu Jing Shen drove slowly and asked the person beside him.

“It’s quite good,” Feng Si leaned back comfortably, directing him where to go, “It’s interesting to interact with these students. I feel like I’m getting younger just by hanging around with them.”

Lu Jingshen could see it clearly. It had only been a few days since the start of the school year, yet he had already connected with the students. Feng Si was just that kind of person – wherever he went, he effortlessly blended in and won the favor of others.

“You’re quite young yourself; no need to say such things,” remarked Lu Jingshen with a smile.

Feng Si nodded and said, “You too. We’ve arrived, park right here.”

Looking outside the car, Lu Jing Shen saw an older-style dormitory building, six or seven stories high, surrounded by tall Chinese parasol trees that blocked the harsh afternoon sunlight, creating a serene atmosphere.

After they got out of the car, Lu Jing Shen took a cardboard box from the trunk, and it felt heavy in his hands.

Feng Si asked, “What’s inside?”

Lu Jing Shen replied, “I’ll show you when we get upstairs.”

Feng Si took the box from him and said, “Let’s go then.”

Feng Si’s place was on the fourth floor, a one-bedroom apartment, about forty square meters, a bit simple but tidy.

Lu Jing Shen looked around and couldn’t help but feel a bit dissatisfied, “what do you like about this room.”

“What’s not to like?” Feng Si poured him some water and gestured for him to sit, “I think it’s quite nice. The cafeteria and supermarket are nearby, only a five-minute walk. It’s very convenient, and the environment here is not bad.”

He said that, and Lu Jing Shen refrained from saying anything further.

Seeing that there were seven or eight suitcases piled up in the living room, Lu Jing Shen curiously asked, “looks like you have a lot of luggage”

“Ah,” Feng Si took a sip of water and nodded, “I brought almost everything from home, mostly books.”

He said it casually, but Lu Jing Shen sensed the deeper meaning behind it.

The first time Feng Si came to China, he had brought only a small suitcase and a few pieces of clothing. This time, he had moved all his belongings here, indicating that he intended to stay for a long time.

A complex emotion welled up inside Lu Jing Shen. He thought about the things Feng Si had left behind at his place – those things Feng Si said he could throw away, but Lu Jing Shen didn’t. They were still there.

He hoped that one day Feng Si would come back with him.

“The postcards, did you bring them? Can you give them to me?” Lu Jing Shen asked.

Feng Si put down his glass, glanced at him, and went into the bedroom to get the postcards. He brought out dozens of postcards, all neatly placed in a folder, and handed them to Lu Jing Shen, saying, “Here, they were originally written for you anyway.”

Lu Jing Shen accepted them and carefully placed them beside him.

Feng Si then asked, “What’s in that box of yours?”

Lu Jing Shen opened the box, feeling a bit embarrassed, and said with a forced smile, “You mentioned a few days ago that you liked this, so I bought it as a gift for you.”

Feng Si walked over, looked inside, and raised an eyebrow in surprise. It was unexpected.

A few days ago, during a phone call with Lu Jing Shen, Feng Si casually mentioned that he used to love superheroes as a child. Once, he saved up his pocket money for two or three months to buy a figurine, only to find out that the store had already sold out. He was heartbroken and upset for a long time. Lu Jing Shen listened and didn’t say much at the time, but now, he actually bought a whole box of them for him.

Although Feng Si no longer played with such toys, Lu Jing Shen’s clumsy and straightforward way of pursuing him made him chuckle.

Lu Jing Shen nervously observed Feng Si’s expression and asked, “Do you want them?”

“Of course,” Feng Si happily replied, “Thank you.”

Lu Jing Shen finally relaxed and said, “I’m glad.”

Feng Si smiled, “Why don’t you relax while I take a shower? I’m all sweaty from playing basketball.”

Lu Jing Shen nodded.

Feng Si went into the bathroom, and after twenty minutes, he came out with only a pair of shorts on, his upper body bare with a towel draped over his shoulder to dry his hair.

Lu Jing Shen looked up from his phone screen, glanced at him, and looked away, saying, “Put on some clothes. Aren’t you afraid of catching a cold?”

“I turned on the heater, it’s fine,” Feng Si nonchalantly replied. Seeing that it was still early, he went to get the box of figurines, intending to assemble and display them all.

Lu Jing Shen wanted to help, but he wasn’t good at it, so he gave up.

Feeling a bit awkward just standing there, he casually picked up a paper and a pen from the coffee table, sat down on the side, and began sketching.

He had learned a bit of sketching in his childhood, just like playing the piano – he wasn’t particularly good at it, but he hadn’t touched it in many years. One time Feng Si asked him if he had any other interests or talents, he had to wrack his brain to remember that he used to learn sketching.

Lost in his thoughts, Lu Jing Shen’s gaze lingered on Feng Si’s body. He noticed a water droplet rolling down from his slightly wet hair and landing on his broad shoulder before slowly sliding down.

Unconsciously, Lu Jing Shen’s gaze followed the droplet, appreciating Feng Si’s well-proportioned body. His healthy wheat-colored skin, firm and powerful muscles without being overly bulky, clearly defined eight-pack abs, tapering down to the lower abdomen, where a V-shaped line led into his shorts, hinting at the dark hair beneath. A bulge was visible in front.

Suddenly, Lu Jing Shen felt a bit dry-mouthed, and he lowered his head, quickly resuming his sketch.

He was so focused on his drawing that he didn’t notice Feng Si’s warm breath approaching from behind, and his voice reached Lu Jing Shen’s ears.

“Are you drawing me?”

Startled, Lu Jing Shen turned around and met Feng Si’s smiling eyes, just inches away from him. In that instant, his mind went blank, forgetting how to respond.

Seeing Lu Jing Shen’s dazed expression, Feng Si stepped back a bit with a playful smile and said, “You draw pretty well.”

Lu Jing Shen snapped out of it and turned his eyes away, feeling uncomfortable. “I’m just sketching casually.”

Feng Si leaned against him again, admiring his artwork. “You said you’re not good at drawing, but you’re being modest. I think it’s pretty good. Can I have it when you’re done?”

They were standing too close, and Lu Jing Shen could clearly feel Feng Si’s breath and the warmth emanating from his body. He quickly finished the last few strokes of the drawing and handed the sketch over, pretending to be calm, “Here, it’s for you.”

Feng Si looked at the drawing in his hand, smiling with delight. Lu Jing Shen felt a bit embarrassed and glanced at the time, changing the subject, “It’s almost half past three, let’s go.”

Feng Si put the drawing away and stopped teasing him, “I’ll change my clothes.”

For the second therapy session, Lu Jing Shen was still nervous. Before entering the room, Feng Si lightly held and then released his hand, speaking casually, “Go on in. After you’re done we can have dinner. The best restaurants will be crowded tonight, so it’s better to go early.”

Seeing Lu Jing Shen’s confusion, Feng Si informed him, “Today is the 14th of February.”

February 14th, Valentine’s Day.

Lu Jing Shen felt a moment of touch in his heart. Distracted by Feng Si’s remark, his nervousness eased a bit, and he relaxed, knocking on the door.

Once Lu Jingshen went inside, Feng Si went to the garden outside and remembered the conversation with Lu Jing Qing before. Lu Jing Qing mentioned that Lu Jing Shen had developed a stronger smoking habit recently, and she was worried about him.

Lu Jing Shen rarely smoked before, and the increase in his smoking habit seemed to have happened after he went to England.

Feng Si casually threw the cigarette into the trash bin. He himself didn’t smoke much before, but during those seven years, he had indeed developed some bad smoking habits.

Oh well, he might as well quit and make Lu Jing Shen to quit with him.

At half-past five, Lu Jing Shen walked out of the rehabilitation room, and Feng Si was waiting outside the door, handing him tissues. Lu Jing Shen frowned, “I didn’t cry.”

Feng Si chuckled, “When did I say you cried? It’s for wiping off sweat.”

In reality, the only time Lu Jing Shen had shed tears was during that night when Feng Si said he was leaving. Even then, he looked quite cute while crying.

Feng Si had to admit that when facing Lu Jing Shen, he occasionally couldn’t suppress the mischievous thoughts of teasing him. Even though he had just handed him tissues to tease him, his intentions were solely out of concern.

Lu Jing Shen accepted the tissues and pressed them to his forehead, closing his eyes.

Feng Si asked him, “Are you feeling okay?”

“I don’t know but  it seems a little better than last time,” Lu Jing Shen pondered. The real difference was that when he walked out of the hospital this time, the first thing he saw was Feng Si, which made him feel much better.

Suddenly, Feng Si reached out, hugged his shoulder gently, and quickly released him.

Lu Jing Shen was startled.

It was just a brief hug, more like comforting and encouraging between friends. Feng Si stepped back and said, “It’s okay, let’s go.”

As they drove away from the hospital, Lu Jing Shen’s nervousness had already reduced. Feng Si was driving, asking him where he wanted to have dinner.

“On this day, two people having dinner together outside are automatically assumed to be a couple. If you feel uncomfortable, choose a place with fewer people,” Feng Si reminded him.

Lu Jing Shen hesitated for a moment and said, ” I don’t mind, What do you feel like eating?”

Feng Si turned to look at him, surprised, “Really? It seems that the doctor was quite skillful.”

Then he laughed, “But we are just friends after all, we don’t have to care about what others think.”

Lu Jing Shen said, “I guess I just haven’t tried hard enough to win you over.”

Feng Si burst into laughter.

In the end, they went to a restaurant chosen by Feng Si, a smaller but charming Western-style restaurant with a fair number of people, but at least they didn’t have to wait in line.

When they entered, they noticed people glancing at them. Lu Jing Shen tried hard to ignore the stares, forcing himself not to care, and followed Feng Si inside.

As they sat down, Feng Si reassured him, “people are looking at us because we’re both so handsome. Don’t think too much about it.”

Lu Jing Shen nodded and tried to calm his nerves.

Feng Si handed him the menu and asked him to order.

Lu Jing Shen pushed back the menu to him and said, “You order.”

While they were halfway through their meal, a couple walked past them side by side. The girl accidentally brushed Lu Jing Shen’s shoulder with the large bouquet of roses she was carrying. She immediately apologized, and Lu Jing Shen didn’t mind. Feng Si smiled at the girl and said, “It’s okay.”

The girl was stunned by his smile and apologized again before leaving. When she walked out of the restaurant, she turned her head to look at them.

Lu Jing Shen felt a bit helpless and said, “Her boyfriend is right there. Can’t you restrain yourself a bit?”

Feng Si looked innocent, “What did I do? I just said it’s okay.”

He really didn’t mean anything else, but when he talked to people, a smile from him seemed to be alluring, attracting people. He did in fact look more attractive when he smiled.

Lu Jing Shen thought about it and realized that he really wasn’t in a place to say this, so he remained silent.

Feng Si reached out and picked a rose petal that had fallen onto Lu Jing Shen’s shoulder, rolling it between his fingers, and asked him, “Alex, apart from me, has anyone ever given you flowers?”

“No,” Lu Jing Shen answered.

Feng Si raised an eyebrow, “Really? So, nobody has pursued you in all these years?”

Of course, there were people who pursued Lu Jing Shen, but his personality was always so distant and aloof that he kept people at arm’s length. Few had the courage to pursue him, and even fewer could persevere.

“I did receive flowers once,” Feng Si said slowly. “The most memorable time was when I was in high school. There was a boy who wanted to pursue me, and he gave me a rose every day for three months.”

Lu Jing Shen’s expression froze, and he subconsciously asked, “What happened later?”

Feng Si continued, “During that time, I realized that I could actually accept men and seemed to be more interested in them. Although that boy wasn’t my type, I wasn’t heartless either. I was considering giving it a try, but three months later, his family moved to another city, and he transferred schools.”

After listening, Lu Jing Shen remained silent for a moment and asked him, “do you regret not giving him a chance earlier?”

“Not much to regret,” Feng Si shook his head, “but I still have to thank him for making me discover my sexuality.”

After dinner, they drove around the city streets after the nightfall, and finally, Lu Jing Shen insisted on dropping Feng Si back.

On the way, he parked the car to the side and asked Feng Si to wait in the car while he walked into a nearby flower shop.

When he came back, he had a red rose in his hand. Sitting back in the car, he handed the flower to Feng Si with a calm demeanor, “For you, Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Feng Si could guess his thoughts and smiled as he took the rose, asking, “Will there be more tomorrow?”

Lu Jing Shen restarted the car, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

When they stopped in front of the dormitory, Feng Si also bid Lu Jing Shen farewell, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Seeing the reluctance in Lu Jing Shen’s eyes, Feng Si comforted him, “I’ll call you later.”

Even if they didn’t meet everyday, they would still contact each other through phone calls every night. They would talk about little things from their daily lives and reminisce about their past experiences, such as childhood and youth. At first, Lu Jing Shen didn’t say much, but with Feng Si’s guidance, he gradually opened up.

Every night, when he heard Lu Jing Shen’s breathing gradually steady, Feng Si would hang up the phone, letting him sleep peacefully.

Lu Jing Shen nodded and said goodbye.

He watched Feng Si’s figure enter the building and stayed there for a moment. Then he took out his phone, opened a delivery app, and ordered roses for the next day.

Feeling more relaxed, he took one last look at Feng Si’s room, which had the lights on, and then drove away.