My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World



As soon as Irene's front door slammed with a shudder, it was like a kick to the head. 

All that static buzzing, all that dead air hanging, clearing up instantly like whacking one of those old CRTs… and it began to slowly dawn on me that maybe leaving the most whimsical and reckless of us three out on their own to do some last-minute grocery shopping wasn't such a good idea.

But there's a reason hindsight was called hindsight… otherwise, I wouldn't be still sitting stupidly, watching as Irene's window blinds briefly blaze orange and rattle with a gust of soaring wings, far too late to do much of anything. 

"She'll behave," Irene assured, walking forward and parting close the narrow peeking gap in her blinds. "And in the worst case: Anybody looking will come to their senses soon enough and just see a firework that just happened to blast off too early."

That actually sounded much more likely than flashing headlines tomorrow proclaiming flying firebirds among us. It's definitely what I would think if I didn't know what I know. 

Yet when you're already knee-deep feeling uneasy, you're already too far gone to waddle out easily. It was like trying to slay a Hydra here. You assuage one concern, out pops another… and in this case, Irene immediately collapsing to the nearest couch, looking drained and absolutely furrowed had me sinking even deeper.

"Are you okay?" I asked, as straightforwardly as I could, hoping to get the same. 

"As far as things have gone?" Irene half-heartedly shrugged. "I've never been better." 

"And just how exactly were things, in your opinion?" 

"Tense, awkward, and as alienating as things could get doing what we did to her. Everything went pretty much as I expected them to. And then from here on," she met with my eyes, pausing with her words, looking quite unsure if she should even say them, before sighing, slightly smiling, hoping. "Things will get better." 

Half an hour came and went before we next saw and heard any more stirrings from Ria. 

The moment I saw another crackle of bright orange in the blinds, I went straight for the door, limping, wincing all the way, only to open it to a mountain of groceries… somehow I wound up with the bulk of it threatening to dislocate my joint to the floor, as warm flames and an entitled smirk jovially past me by. 

"Aww, you really shouldn't have," Ria said in a sincerity too good to be sincere. "There's a bit more I left out on the lawn I couldn't pick up. All yours, dear." 

"Ria, I can't - " 

"What's that? You couldn't be happier to help?" She spoke over in a high heedless chortle. "You really are so sweet, aren't you? Exactly as I remembered you." 

I remembered all too quickly to just shut up and grit my teeth. Arguing, protesting, it'll all go just as well as a pail of water to a nationwide wildfire. Besides, going by Ria's standards, an entire garden of last-second festivities was as mild as things get. 

It took two trips and a re-run for a bag that ripped open before I finally got everything inside the house. Ria was already emptying each bag, one snack, drink, one carton at a time on the kitchen counter… with a silent, scowling Irene watching her fill every empty space and corner by the sidelines. 

"Three hundred and fifty in total for everything, by the way," Ria said to her, as she carefully placed a large box of donuts into the fridge. "See, I can be considerate. Probably thought I bankrupted you, didn't you? No trust at all, tsk, tsk. If there were more of me, that's pretty much grounds for a hate crime, you know?" 

"Of course, yes," Irene responded flatly. "And I'm sure you wouldn't want my card going into evidence when we go to trial, so - mind if I have it back?"

"Mmm, not just yet. I'd like to hold onto it for just a little longer. Get to know each other a little better. It's not every day you get to feel like a queen - and especially today?" over another larger box of donuts, Ria peered quizzically back at Irene's deadened eyes. "Not gonna sour such a special occasion for us, are you?" 

I watched as Irene took a whole lot quicker to recall the same lesson I had to relearn moments ago and just simply accepted her fate as it were… with her financial stability in the grubby talons of such a volatile creature. What fun. 

"So, first things first," Ria said over the sound of rustling plastic. "How does the thing that you guys did to me work exactly? I'm guessing you forcibly got rid of Lady Enstar somehow, but how?"

For some reason, she looked to me for an answer… like yeah, 'course I'm the guy to go to for questions like those. Just like the good old days.

"It's a barrier," Irene said, coming to my rescue. "To keep it brief, we constructed a barrier around the house to keep Lady Enstar's influence at bay temporarily."

At that, Ria chuckled and chuckled a genuinely amused chuckle… 

"I don't even dare ask how the hell that works. Far as I know, that's impossible. But hey, been sleeping like a rock for who knows how long, right? What do I know?" 

And she chuckled again, the slow, breathy, ending type of chuckle that got her musing all of a sudden.

"Just around the house, you said?" She asked, cocking a brow. "Well, I'm pretty sure I flew out a lot further than that just now. The thought occurred to me when I was soaring out there - say, if I just decided to…"

"Yes, you could have just shut your eyes and fallen asleep anytime you were out there," Irene said, finishing her train out of thought. "You would have pretty much undone all of our efforts bringing you back."

"And with that in mind, you still let me out of your impossibly-made cage anyway in spite of it." 

"Well, what do you know?" Irene deadpanned. "Guess I'm not complicit in any sort of hate crime at all."

"Nope," Ria said, turning away with another haul to stow into the refrigerator, a softer, clearer smile curving her lips. "Definitely not."

So far, so good, I think. As far as I can tell, things were going along gradually as Irene had predicted. Better by the minute, less pressure with every word.

"Oh, also, might have been too hasty on deciding to have you all forever for waking me up," Ria said, finally, with shelves bulging with treats, she slowly backed out of the fridge, slamming the door with a snap of her hips. "It's a nice view out there now. One definitely worth stretching my wings for. All the white snow, the city lights, almost forgot how nice this world looks when it isn't neck-deep in rotting Icky death goo."

"HEY!" 

My head could've touched the ceiling, and my heart nearly splat against my brain. I've never heard Irene shout in the way that she just shouted, and I don't think I ever want to again quite frankly.

"You put that back!" Irene demanded, her voice still echoing across several states in every direction as she stumbled and fumbled her way through the living room toward Ria. "That is not yours to touch!" 

Ria remained stagnant behind the counter, her smirk with a conniving finish, and that was when I noticed it too: jutting over the edge of the white marble, that little gleam of red, that distinctly shaped arch of a heart sandwiched between her itchy fingers.

"Ria!" Irene quickly shot forward, reaching over the counter, knocking over cans, and slamming down boxes, only to miss her swipe as Ria tucked the chocolate box behind her back. "Put that box back. That isn't yours!" 

"Well, it can't - ah - ! Irene, stop! Oh, woah, stop! " Ria said, breaking into a sprint around the counter as the detective gave chase. "I'm just saying, it can't possibly be yours either, can it?"

"Just give it to me!" Irene fumed, dashing still in this mad game of ring-around-the-counter, her expression as red as the embers she whizzes past. "Ria, I'm not playing around!"

"I mean, you always get shit like this every other day of the week. And always, like always, one way or another they end up in the bin," They both took pause, both ending up in the same place they started across from each other. Ria remained smirking, alternating between laughing and heaving. "They're never opened, never touched. So now, I'm wondering how the hell this one wound up in your fridge instead. Half-eaten too! Hey, c'mon, Riri, who does this really belong to, huh?" 

Then in the middle of all the chaos, all the strewn groceries, and frantic breathing, Ria caught me in the corner of her sight, and like a bulb flashing on, her eyes shone just as bright.

"Tell me, good sir," she called out loudly. "Does this belong to you?"